Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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