explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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