Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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