Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
