Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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