My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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