I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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