seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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