I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
