she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
