You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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