actually, I'm a sock model
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
