A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize