i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
