i think my mom watched the whole time
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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