Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
