From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
