My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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