The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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