Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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