So drunk its hurt
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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