you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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