he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
