yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
