Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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