Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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