I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
