I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
