so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
