So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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