i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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