Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
