My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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