I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
