he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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