How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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