Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
