The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
