you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
