Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
