so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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