Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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