dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
