tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
