He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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