Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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