the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
