So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Who died my cat blue again?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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