what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
