I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
