I'm really into asian looking animals
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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