Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
