can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
