Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My life is pants optional.
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