I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize