And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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