I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
