Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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