Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
