Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize