If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
