Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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