Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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