I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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