i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
