Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
