His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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