jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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