Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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