Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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