I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
