It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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