Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
