I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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