Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
