If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
