that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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