Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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