I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
