i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
