It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
