I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
