Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
