What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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