yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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