he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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