He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
