my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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