Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
