My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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