He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize