I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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