I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
