If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
