I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
