he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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