I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
