i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
