ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
