Me too!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
