Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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