Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
