as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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