Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
