OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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