He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
