Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
