i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize