i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
