How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize