ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
