it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
