Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
