I am in a vortex of obligation.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
