Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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