did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
