i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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