apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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