Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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