chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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