i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im holly from the hills drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
