i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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