They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
