Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
