just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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