I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize