alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
