did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
